“Self love means I have a relationship with myself built on trust and loyalty. I trust myself to have my own back, so my allegiance is to the voice within. I’ll abandon everyone else’s expectations of me before I’ll abandon myself. I’ll disappoint everyone else before I disappoint myself. I’ll forsake all others before I’ll forsake myself. Me and myself: we are till death do us part.”- Glennon Doyle
We’ve all heard someone say “I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed.” Maybe you’ve even said it yourself. Whether from the media or in our own life , at some point we’ve become accustomed to the idea that disappointing others is the ultimate failure. We live in fear of disappointing our friends, our family, our bosses, and our communities. We’re taught that we must avoid disappointing everyone except ourselves. We’re taught to please others, often at the expense of ourselves, so someone else does not feel uncomfortable.
I say let them feel uncomfortable. Let them feel awkward and unsure and even angry. Just don’t disappoint yourself. Some much of other people’s disappointment comes from an insecure selfish place. They will try and make you feel that they have your best interest at heart, when in reality they’re really looking out for themselves. Underneath their hesitations and demands for your life, they are really trying to protect their own world. Sometimes they will protect themselves by making it seem as if they are protecting you, when deep down they’re saying “please don’t love that person because I don’t understand it and when I don’t understand I feel uncomfortable” or “please don’t move there because you’ll be far from me and missing you will hurt me” or even “please don’t stay out late because if you’re out then I’ll think of you and I’d rather not have you on my mind when I want to sleep.” Essentially, they’re asking you to adjust your life so you can make theirs easier. Our lives aren’t made to be easy. They’re made to be lived and if living makes you and those around you uncomfortable, then so be it. You will survive and you will be better because of it. In the end we will always face disappointment. You only have one life, don’t be the one you disappoint.
I want the next generation to be taught to expect and welcome disappointment. I want more bravery. More “this will be tough and I may get hurt but I’m going to do it anyway.” How much further would we get in life if we did things even though they were scary and we risked being hurt and disappointed? What is one thing you can do today that scares you and also leads you in the direction of your dreams?
I know that I’m not living my life to the fullest. I know that I spend way too much time and energy trying to please others instead of myself. When you care about people you want to make them happy, even if their happiness takes away from yours. My goal for this new chapter in my life to consider myself first. Not to be selfish, but to actively love myself. Showing myself love by being on my own side instead of letting myself suffer over and over again. How much more beautiful would the world be if we were all honest with ourselves and others about who we are and what we want? We owe it to ourselves to find out.
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