Hi all! How has everyone been doing? I hope you all have been staying safe and enjoying the holidays. I know it has been quite a hectic time for a lot of people. The holidays are in full swing and I am so happy to be finished with buying presents. I am now able to fully settle into the season and enjoy it in the way that I would like. My mom is going to visit my uncle in Atlanta for the holidays so we had a small Christmas celebration with her before she leaves. We had dinner and exchanged gifts (which was kinda weird because we have never opened presents before Christmas morning). One of the gifts she got me is so on point for where I am in life right now! She got me Jen Sincero’s new book Badass Habits: Cultivate The Awareness, Boundaries, And Daily Upgrades You Need To Make Them Stick. This book is heaven sent because just the day before she gave it to me I decided that I need to work on cultivating healthier habits. Isn’t it so cool when everything comes together so seamlessly? It’s like a sign that you are on the right path.
The past couple of days I have realized that I am someone who does not have the habits that I would like to have. I seem to be consistent in ways that are more harmful than helpful. Sure I make my bed everyday and always eat breakfast and blah blah blah, but some of the habits that are most important to me don’t seem to stick. For example, I am sick of being in shape for 3 months out of the year. I would much rather be in shape for the whole year. Or at least be in shape for 9 months. I want my health habits and my work habits to stick. When reading Badass Habits, Sincero made a very interesting point that seems to be manifesting in my life. She said that sometimes the reason we don’t properly stick to the habits we know we should be, is because deep down a part of us doesn’t want to. Maybe on the surface you want more money, but deep down you don’t because your family always had money issues and you want to feel apart of them. Consider that financial insecurity actually feels secure to you and financial security does not feel secure because you have never experienced it! Man, our brains are complex. As messed up as it is, I can totally relate. The unknown is SCARY. Stepping away from our Wolfpack and what we know is SCARY, even if what we know is killing us.
I have stayed to realize that a lot of my unhealthy habits come from my upbringing. Who I truly am as a person and who I have developed into are not the same person. This was sooo hard for more to come to terms with (much harder than I would have thought). Although I think most of can admit we don’t have perfect parents, when your parents have shown you love and affection, it can be hard for you to understand that they were not always intentional about how they were raising you. While I know my parents meant well, they definitely are not perfect. That may sound harsh but I think it is true for the majority of the population. Even if your parents made sure you always had the nicest toys and the greatest hugs, it does not mean they were always conscious of the ideas and habits they were giving you. For example, if your parents tried to protect you by making sure you only applied to safety schools for college and tried out for sports teams you were guaranteed to make, there is a chance that you have grown up feeling unworthy, insecure, and like feel that playing it safe is better than taking risks. They were trying to protect your from embarrassment but ended up making you feel like you are not good enough. In that scenario they also did not teach you that hard-work can turn someone from unqualified to qualified.
During one of my recent journaling sessions I come to terms with the fact that my parents did not raise me to be independent. As a kid it didn’t seem like such a big deal. However, now that I am an adult I can clearly see how their coddling has set me up to struggle. My peers who were encouraged to be independent, seem to be having a much easier time chaser their dreams while I feel guilty about moving out and taking chances. The ways in which our bad habits have been formed are subtle. With heightened awareness we can all get to the bottom of our bad habits. At that time, and that time only, will you have the power to reverse the damage that has been done. Growing up in my household, I saw a lot of negativity, nitpicking, and doubt. As you can image, that hasn’t turned me into the most confident and positive adult. Despite what happened in my past, I am an adult now. My job as an adult is to check in my bad habits and reverse them so that I don’t have to continue living this way. I deserve more and my future family does as well. It is not my job to change other people, all I can do is change myself and hope to inspire others in the process. If you are reading this and thinking “nope, can’t relate,” I challenge you to really take a deep drive and look into yourself and your childhood. At first I didn’t see anything with mine either. You can start by journaling and just being honest about your feelings and experiences. Think critically about those childhood memories. The ones you can remember and are not sure why they stuck. Think about the first time you can remember even feeling nervous, embarrassed, anxious. We all have a story. No matter how you were brought up, whether your struggles were small or big, know that you are alone and we are all a bunch of adults trying to work through our bad habits. You deserve a big pat of the back for even trying!
How has your upbringing influenced your habits? Comment below so we can connect!
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