For the past couple of weeks I have felt like I am standing at a crossroads. I feel like my life is kind of up in the air and I don’t know which direction I want to go in. What I do know is this: I want off of the path I have been on. Let me explain. For the past year and a half I have been working as a marketing program specialist at a small healthcare company in New Jersey. This job was never my dream job but it was my first job in marketing after graduating college so I thought I would give it a shot. I quickly realized that I didn’t love this job. Instead of getting out, I felt like I had to dig myself in deeper and make it work. As you can imagine, this was not fulfilling. So here I am, one year later still feeling stuck and very unsure. This past week my eyes were opened up to how much I don’t actively love myself. Sure, I think I am fun to hang out with and easy on the eyes. That’s not real self love. I have not been honoring myself and my dreams. I decided I owe it to myself to not ignore this feeling any longer so I called my boss and gave two weeks notice that I would be leaving. To my surprise, she asked me to reconsider. It was flattering but also very confusing. I felt like a giant wrench was just thrown into my plans. I finally mustered up the courage to resign and now I am being asked to stay. So now instead of giving my two weeks notice I am taking a week off of work so that I can think about what I want to do next.
Now that I have an unexpected week off I thought I would take some time to connect with myself and find some clarity about what I want to do going forward. I don’t know exactly which direction I want to go in. Sometimes I want to move, sometimes I want a new marketing job, other times I want a new career path completely. Right now thing feel kind of blurry and uncertain because I have been completely emerged in a toxic work environment. This week is about following my heart, finding my strength, and connecting with me. I plan on spending time in nature, listening to music, and experimenting with art and fashion. The goal is to dive into my roots and be more me. What is the point of being anyone else? Am I nervous to quit my job during a pandemic and give up my steady paycheck? Absolutely. The uncertainty is very scary. Because I like having control, this next chapter feels uncomfortable.
My life being sort of up in the air is both terrifying and exciting. I vented with my friend yesterday she told me something very powerful. She said that everyone wants to out on a limb and follow their dreams. The difference between those who do and those who do not is that the ones who did it, did it. They did not sit around, procrastinating and feeling bad for themselves. They went out and did what needed to be done. Which one will I be? If any of you have ever quit a job or taken a new path in some capacity, please comment below what your experience was like. I am totally open to any advice or words of wisdom that you may have! We can all learn from each other.
Let’s grow together.
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Photo Credit: LA based photographer, Netanel Brezak (bokeh_passion)