Hi guys! I hope you all have been doing well lately. The past few weeks have been sort of busy for me and I feel like I haven’t really connected with you guys in a while. My birthday was on Sunday, I turned 24! For my birthday I went to Boston for the first time. Before this trip I had never been to Boston before and I was so excited to see what it was like. I am going to write a couple more posts about my experience and different places I visited there, but overall I really had the best time. Boston is a really beautiful city with unique energy and I can totally see myself living there one day. The history and architecture is so beautiful and I loved seeing how it differs from NYC. I definitely want to go back some time soon and explore more of the city.
Because I have reached a new year of life, naturally I have become more reflective. I turned 24 on the 13th and it is sort of surreal to me that I am already 24. In one sense it feels like a natural progression, but on the other side I can’t believe i’m in my mid-twenties. So much has changed for me in the past year and I have truly grown so much. With this growth, I am finding that I have outgrown some people and places that I never thought I would outgrow. I have friends who I am starting to grow apart from and it is sort of unexpected because no drama happened, we have just changed. We have become so different and this weekend it has really started to hit me. Our outlook on life varies greatly and there is a lot of tension due to arguments in the past that were never resolved. Although I know this change is natural and probably for the best, the fact it is change is hard and somewhat depressing. It makes me feel off balance and sort of sad. I am learning that change like this requires a time of processing. It will take getting used to but in the end it will be worth it. This transition period will only lead me to where I am meant to be. I am beginning to truly understand that I have to be proactive in carving out my place in the world and that if I don’t ask (or demand), I won’t get it. On the other hand, I have connected with and reconnected with some people recently and it’s really cool to see how our dynamics evolve.
Something that I have reflected on lately is how easy it is to get sucked into seeking approval and wanting to impress others. I have found that even if someone is not blatantly showing disapproval, you may still be feeling their judgement and therefore start acting from a place of trying to impress them instead of being authentically you. I recently had two job opportunities presented to me, one being from an old boss. She has a friend who owns an online magazine and is looking for an account project manager. Although I was so flattered to find that my ex-boss recommended me for the position, I felt conflicted because I recently had another opportunity present itself and had already decided to take it. At first my anxiety got the best of me and I felt that I would be judged and criticized for not taking the position. I felt so nervous to tell her about it. To my surprise, when I did tell her she had the most compassionate and understanding response. She simply said, “no matter what you decide, I am so proud of you always.” This response is simple yet so profound. In reality, this response shouldn’t be so revolutionary, it should be standard. Our loved ones and strangers alike should rejoice with us with whatever we decide to do and whoever we decide to be. In a perfect world we would never feel anxiety about telling others about our decisions, we would feel joy to share. I have found myself lately having bad anxiety because of the fear of what other people will think of me and my decisions. I have subconsciously adjusted my behavior in many ways so I can avoid being judged by those around me. Now that I am older (and hopefully a little wiser) I want to make a serious effort to show up in a more confident and authentic place. This is my one life and I can’t continue living it to please others.
I hope you all are having a great week so far. What’s new? Comment below.
Let’s grow together.
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